Stepping Out of Grief
It's been a frozen tundra here in Michigan for the past couple of weeks. I am one of the very few who seem to enjoy it! It makes one realize how blessed you are when you step inside of a warm little house, sit under old family quilts while reading a book, or having a kitty snuggling in your lap.
2017 was really difficult for me. Losing my mother early in the year painted the remainder of the months with grief. The sting is still just as sharp when I need to call her to seek out her advice or when I go through the motions of a holiday without her magical touch to make it truly special.
I spent a lot of last year lost in the mind-numbing world of binge watching. It was the most simple way to shut my thoughts off and have time pass. My reading suffered. It was too difficult to raise that amount of attentiveness for very long. I only finished the year with perhaps 20 books read.
My Bible and Bible study suffered along with me. God and I had a lot of long, winding conversations during her illness and her death. Then things got a little quiet afterward. I was never angry at God for taking her, I didn't blame Him. Or so I thought. It took some soul-searching and songwriting to finally figure out that maybe I did blame Him a little bit after all. So we have been recovering and reconnecting over the past couple of months.
What did come out of 2017 for me is a stronger reverence for extended family and friends, both old and new. During our difficult time they knit together around us to keep us from falling. With every stumble, I was picked up with a kind word, a prayer, or a shoulder to cry on. I can't find the words to express how much this changed the experience from one of utter desperation to one of shared love and support.
Taking a cleansing breath into the New Year, I plan to step out of my grief and try to move forward. It's what she would have expected of me.
2017 was really difficult for me. Losing my mother early in the year painted the remainder of the months with grief. The sting is still just as sharp when I need to call her to seek out her advice or when I go through the motions of a holiday without her magical touch to make it truly special.
I spent a lot of last year lost in the mind-numbing world of binge watching. It was the most simple way to shut my thoughts off and have time pass. My reading suffered. It was too difficult to raise that amount of attentiveness for very long. I only finished the year with perhaps 20 books read.
My Bible and Bible study suffered along with me. God and I had a lot of long, winding conversations during her illness and her death. Then things got a little quiet afterward. I was never angry at God for taking her, I didn't blame Him. Or so I thought. It took some soul-searching and songwriting to finally figure out that maybe I did blame Him a little bit after all. So we have been recovering and reconnecting over the past couple of months.
What did come out of 2017 for me is a stronger reverence for extended family and friends, both old and new. During our difficult time they knit together around us to keep us from falling. With every stumble, I was picked up with a kind word, a prayer, or a shoulder to cry on. I can't find the words to express how much this changed the experience from one of utter desperation to one of shared love and support.
Taking a cleansing breath into the New Year, I plan to step out of my grief and try to move forward. It's what she would have expected of me.
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